Pronouns

On Gender and Gender Identity

Before we can understand and properly use pronouns, it is important to understand and apply correct gender terminology and definitions, as pronouns and gender are often intricately linked.

Gender and Sex — What's the Difference?

Historically, sex and gender have often been used interchangeably, however the two terms are distinct. Sex (assigned sex at birth) is a label — traditionally male or female — that individuals are assigned by a doctor at birth based on medical characteristics, such as external genitalia, hormonal patterns, and the chromosomes that someone is born with. While this may seem straightforward, it is important to remember that these definitions of sex are often limited. Having only two assigned sex at birth options ("biological male" or "biological female") often does not fully represent the complex biological, anatomical, genetic, and hormonal variations that can occur. In light of this, be mindful that some people born with sex characteristics (including genital, hormonal, and chromosomal patterns) that do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies may be assigned intersex at birth.

Gender on the other hand is much more complex and in many ways is a social construct, in that gender is a set of expectations from society about behaviors, characteristics, and thoughts. Many cultures have standards about the way that people should behave based on their gender. Gender identity describes how a person, in their head, experiences and defines their gender and choses to communicate it to those around them. Everyone's gender identity is unique and personal, and cannot be determined simply based on appearance or preconceived assumptions. It is important to recognize that the sex someone is assigned at birth may or may not align with their gender identity.

Gender Identity and Terminology

Individuals may or may not use terms to describe their gender identity and gender expression. It is important to be aware of what these terms mean and how they interconnect to someone's pronouns.

  • Cisgender: Someone whose gender identity aligns with the sex they were assigned at birth.

  • Transgender: Someone who experiences and expresses gender differently than the sex they were assigned at birth.

  • Gender Non-Binary: Someone who experiences and expresses gender outside of the male and female gender binary. This often includes many other gender identities that exist outside the traditional male and female binary, such as genderqueer, genderfluid, or gender non-conforming.

Pronouns

What Are Pronouns?

Pronouns are the words others use for you in place of your proper name. Some examples include “she/her” or “he/him” or gender-neutral pronouns, such as “they/them”.

Why are Pronouns Important?

Inherently, pronouns can be a way to communicate someone’s gender, so honoring a person’s pronouns is a way to show respect for someone’s gender and identity. You can’t always know what someone’s pronouns are by looking at them. It is always best to confirm with a person what their pronouns are. Sharing pronouns gives everyone in the room the opportunity to self-identify, instead of assuming someone’s identity or which pronouns they use.

How is this More Inclusive?

For trans, non-binary, or gender non-conforming people, sharing pronouns can be risky. When cisgender people share their pronouns, they normalize the sharing process and provide a more inclusive and safer environment for everyone. Additionally, many transgender or gender nonconforming people delay or decline to seek care due to discrimination in healthcare settings, and those patients who have had to teach their providers about pronouns are far more likely to delay seeking care, which has obvious impacts on health outcomes.

Mistakes and Misgendering

To err is human! Everyone makes mistakes and you aren't going to get it right every time — that's okay. However, it is important to recognize that misgendering someone, even if by mistake, can have harmful impacts. If you do accidentally use the wrong pronouns when identifying someone, it is important to apologize, use the right pronouns, and move on. Be mindful not to burden the trans or gender non-conforming person with your guilty feelings or expect forgiveness.

Purposefully misgendering someone — being aware of someone's pronouns, name, and/or gender identity and continuing to intentionally use the wrong identifiers — is not acceptable and is a form of harassment.

Disclosing Pronouns

Be mindful that due to transphobia, discrimination, and violence against transgender and gender non-binary people, disclosing a transgender or non-binary person's pronouns and/or identity can cause discomfort or even compromise their safety, especially in environments where they have not "come out" to others present. In general, refrain from sharing anyone else's story or pronouns for them. If an individual shares their pronouns and/or gender identity with you in private, it may be appropriate to ask how you should refer to them around other people or in public. Remember that the pronouns that someone does or does not use publicly does not make their gender identity any less valid.

Keep in Mind

  • While pronouns and gender are intricately linked, pronouns ≠ gender.

  • In general, it is best to avoid using the phrase “preferred pronouns” as this suggests an element of flexibility or that someone’s identity is less than valid. Someone’s pronouns are not suggestions and are not preferred over something else.

  • Not all people of the same gender or gender identity use the same pronouns.

  • Individuals may use more than one set of pronouns (for example, someone may use both he/him/his and they/them/theirs pronouns).

  • Individuals may use different pronouns with different people (like how we may go by different names or nicknames in different situations).

  • The pronouns that someone chooses to use in a given setting does not make their gender identity any less valid.

  • A person's pronoun use can change over time, because how we understand ourselves can grow and evolve.